This story is taken from the diaries I kept on my solo travels in February 2014 - this week, exactly 12 years ago.
13th February, Abel Tasman
I look out of the window as the bus pulls away, watching the blue skies of Abel Tasman National Park fade to a cloudy grey. The speakers are playing that old 10cc song, “I’m Not In Love.”
I nod along. After all, I’ve only known this guy for a day.
I met him in Abel Tasman, where the beaches, sea and forests look too vivid to be real. It was the first stop on a bus tour of the South Island. We were both in awe of New Zealand’s beauty and uniqueness. Like the Split Apple Rock we saw on the boat trip, sliced in half and torn in different directions.
On the long hike back to our accommodation, he confided in me: personal stories he didn’t want to tell the group. Later, someone jokingly asked if we’d hooked up. By then, it felt inevitable. He gave me a goodnight kiss in the dorm while the others were sleeping.
Now I’m heading south on the bus, alone this time. It’s like a whirlwind has hit and left me dizzy. But it was my decision to move on. Today he’s kayaking with new friends from the group, while I already have a kayaking trip booked somewhere else. I don’t want to put my plans on hold for someone I just met.
I’m not in love, so don’t forget it
It’s just a silly phase I’m going through.
14th February, Greymouth
Greymouth is the right name for this place. The sky is thick and cloudy, the air is hazy with raindrops and the streets are empty.
I’m on my way back from the supermarket, bag of groceries in my hand, when he texts me. Happy Valentine’s Day, it says. Miss you already. They saw seals and penguins on their kayaking tour. I’m happy for him and a bit jealous. Should I have stayed?
“Claire! Are you coming to the Valentine’s party tonight?” It’s one of the girls from the group as I arrive at the hostel. Yes, I reply. It will take my mind off things.
Back in my room, my former boss phones with more details about a job offer. I’m on this tour for a break after temping for a few months in Auckland, a city I love. If I accept this offer, it means I can stay here in New Zealand permanently, working for a company I really like.
“I’ll think about it and come back to you,” I tell her. I can’t think straight right now.
“OK, but I will need your answer tomorrow.”
I ask the universe to give me a sign.
