It's my birthday this week
On solo dates, surprise guests and the best gift you can give yourself
In a few days, it’s my birthday. It’s not a big one so I’m not doing anything hugely special - maybe I’ll check out a couple of events here in Brussels.
The last few months have been a lot. After twenty years in various corporate roles (plus my adult gap year), I quit my job and announced my new freelance status to everyone on LinkedIn. The anxiety of that is settling now and I’m slowly easing into this new chapter.
This birthday has me thinking about where I was this time a few years ago. Well, quite a few years ago now.
A midnight celebration
It was 2013. I’d been travelling alone for a couple of months and had just arrived back at my favourite hostel in Kuala Lumpur after a side trip to Borneo to see the orangutans. It was the eve of my birthday and my last night in Malaysia as I had a flight to Bali the next day.
I realised I’d probably have to spend my birthday alone, as I didn’t know anyone. While my first instinct was to feel sad and lonely, I decided to reframe it.
I was finally on the round-the-world trip I’d dreamt of for so long. I’d just qualified as a scuba diver, against the odds. I was having the greatest adventure of my life. So with all that in mind it was already the best birthday ever. I had more than enough to celebrate - I could at least go out for a cocktail.
“You should go to SkyBar,” said the hostel manager. “It’s at the top of Traders Hotel.” He kindly booked me a table so I could treat myself to a birthday cocktail at midnight - the moment I would turn 34.
In the end, I wasn’t alone. Far from it.
When the others in my hostel dorm learned it was my birthday, they insisted we all go for dinner at a nearby restaurant. I was so touched that they wanted to mark the occasion when we’d only just met. Then the restaurant staff surprised me with a cake and a song.
The true gift came when Kate and Tiffany arrived - two girls I’d met during my Malaysia trip . They’d flown in from Borneo to celebrate with me.
I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.
We walked to the Traders Hotel and took the elevator to the 33rd floor, entering the glamorous SkyBar, with its luxurious pool and floor-to-ceiling windows.
As the clock struck midnight, we raised our glasses. Now I was a year older - at least in Malaysian time. But I couldn’t stay out too late. I had an early flight to catch.
Birthday in Bali
The next morning - my actual birthday - I flew to Bali alone. From the airport, I took a taxi to Ubud, the same place Elizabeth Gilbert went to in Eat, Pray, Love.
We passed ornately designed family temples with intricate stonemasonry and decorated statues of Hindu deities. Small offerings wrapped in palm leaves dotted the pavements. Boys ran along the road holding kites with ribbons streaming behind them.
We pulled into the guesthouse. A tranquil, leafy garden surrounded a small pond. Statuettes wrapped in checked fabric were adorned with flowers. The hypnotic tinkling of the traditional Balinese gamelan instrument and delicate fragrance of frangipani flowers floated in the air. It was divine and exactly what I needed.
The host opened the French windows to my room. The stylish bedroom was filled with feminine furnishings and a private, open-air bathroom with an ornate framed mirror and a large, luxurious bath.
Suddenly, I felt like I was at home. Any remaining anxiety melted away. Smiling, I stretched out on my bed, taking it all in.
That evening, I took myself on a solo birthday date. I put on my make-up and a backless red dress I’d bought at Kuala Lumpur Central Market and went for dinner at a nearby restaurant. Single and alone, yet perfectly content.
I felt like I was in my own version of Eat, Pray, Love. It crossed my mind that maybe, like Elizabeth Gilbert, I would be swept off my feet here by a gorgeous Brazilian man.
Reflections from Brussels
This year, I’m no longer living out of a backpack. I still have that red dress but Belgium in April isn’t quite warm enough. I won’t need to go on a solo dinner date for one, as my boyfriend will come out to celebrate with me. Maybe there will be surprise guests again - who knows.
That 34-year-old version of me dining alone in Bali is way calmer than I’ve felt recently. She was out there in the world, all by herself, and loving every minute. If she can do that then I can handle this latest change.
Own it, she’d say. Treat yourself as well as you deserve. The best gift you can give yourself is to celebrate how far you’ve come.
I’d smile back and tell her: you do meet a handsome man on your travels - but he’s French, not Brazilian.
And - believe it or not - you will bring him back to Bali with you in a year’s time.
Thanks so much for reading, it means so much to me. Next week I will tell you what happened in Bali with the French man! Until then, take care everyone 💕
Happiest of birthdays, Claire! Always enjoy reading about your adventures and excited to see what comes next of your new freelancing pursuits. :)
Happy birthday!!