How I didn't get the guy
Chapter 2: Instead I caught the travel bug
Welcome back to Love at First Flight, a world travel love story. If you missed the first chapter, you can catch up here.
Spoiler: I didn’t find Mr. Right, but I did lose my shoes in Thailand - and discovered a passion for solo travel.
In 2010, London was buzzing about the upcoming Olympics. My life seemed just as exciting on the surface.
Good job? Check. Fun friends? Check. A cosy flat? Double check. But underneath, I was a mess.
A year after ending a long-term relationship, I was convinced a new boyfriend was the missing piece to make everything perfect. So, I dove into online dating, hoping to find the one.
After several awkward coffee dates, the only thing brewing was my frustration. I needed a fresh take.
In a moment of desperation (or genius?), I signed up for a free dating seminar hosted by Matthew Hussey, who later became a New York Times bestselling author with his book, Get the Guy. His website seemed legit, so why not?
The thought of getting out of bed and facing a room full of strangers was daunting, but I dragged myself there, hoping for a quick fix to my love life.
It was eye-opening.
The dating seminar
The West London hotel’s conference room was packed with well-dressed women in their 20s, 30s and 40s, all eager to learn the secret to escaping the single life.
Matthew, with his handsome looks and easy charm, quickly had us captivated. He challenged us to reflect on our opportunities to meet men:
“We’re often too distracted to see the opportunities right in front of us. How many men - strangers, not guys you know - have you spoken to this week?”
Despite Matthew’s confidence-boosting and practical dating advice, some women clapped back with stories of heartbreak and betrayal. For some, these experiences had hardened their hearts and left them lonely, despite their professional success.
We’d built walls around ourselves, clinging to the idea that only the perfect man could make us whole, while subconsciously pushing potential lovers away.
Matthew’s next piece of advice hit me hard.
“You need to fall in love with your life. Show you’re a high-value woman and you’ll attract the partner you want. Remember the dreams and passions you had when you were young.”
In that moment, a memory resurfaced. As a student, I’d often walked past a travel agency near my university, mesmerized by a massive world map showing routes for round-the-world flights.
I’d promised myself, one day, I’ll do that. But I never had.
Real life had taken over, and I’d shelved that dream in favour of buying a house, finding a husband and settling down.
I didn’t realize how much I’d missed that dream until now.
Decision time
Over the following months, at weddings, work trips and festivals with friends, that memory of my teenage dream nagged at me.
But the idea of quitting my job to travel the world felt impossible. Too expensive. Anyway, I was focused on my career and finding a long-term relationship.
On the other hand, it had been too long since my girls’ holiday in Italy and I desperately needed a break.
So, I booked my first ever proper solo trip.
Thanks to Leonardo DiCaprio’s The Beach, and the Alex Garland book this movie was based on, I’d long dreamed of visiting Thailand. The beaches, the culture, the food.
When I found a deal on flights there, I dug out a backpack and booked the cheapest backpacker hut I could find.
It was time for an adventure. Even if I was anxious about flying to Asia solo for the first time.
Having a ball in Bangkok
Jo, a former colleague now living in Bangkok, showed me the ropes, including how to avoid taxi scams. Yelling at the driver turn on the meter, instead of charging me an inflated made-up figure, I felt like a local already.
Together, Jo and I explored the floating market, ornate temples, giant reclining Buddhas and insanely cheap street food that blew my mind.
The weather was warm and humid well into the evening, when we headed to Soi Cowboy to experience the infamous nightlife.
Bangkok was wild, wonderful and the perfect distraction from my dating woes.
But now, it was time to really go solo.
The journey to Koh Chang
Saying goodbye to Jo, I set off for Koh Chang, a beautiful island promising beaches, adventure and a bit of peace.
Lonely Beach was my destination. The irony of the name wasn’t lost on me.
The five-hour bus journey to Trat involved another attempted scam, when the songthaew taxi driver suggested I buy overpriced ferry tickets from his friend. I politely declined and instead headed to the real ticket shop for the boat to Koh Chang, as the driver yelled in frustration.
By the time I arrived at Lonely Beach and dumped my backpack in the tiny wooden hut I’d booked online, I felt like a total badass.
Reality check: the hut was a sweatbox, the mosquito net was basically insect confetti, and the bathroom? Let’s just say it was rustic.
In the morning, I was awoken by the rumbles and crashes of construction right outside my door. Nothing says 'relaxing getaway' like a symphony of diggers at dawn.
While I’d been so proud to be in my backpacker hut, this crossed the line. After some soul-searching, I decided that if I wanted a little comfort, so be it.
I upgraded to a chic cottage with air-conditioning, a proper bathroom and a divine infinity pool.
No more basic backpacking: this was fancier, flashier. Now I was flashpacking.
Adventure was still on the menu, but now it came with a side of luxury.
Embracing new experiences
During my stay on Koh Chang, I met other solo travellers.
As we tried zip-lining, took a Thai cooking course and even sampled ‘snake wine’ (not recommended), these experiences helped me rediscover my spirit of adventure.
I also indulged in daily Thai massages - so affordable there and absolutely blissful.
On my last night, my new friends and I left our sandals at the entrance to a beach bar - standard practice in Thailand - and enjoyed a Chang beer on the sand.
The bar manager told us it was Loi Krathong, Thailand’s annual festival of lights.
He handed us each a krathong - a tiny, beautiful basket with a candle - and invited us to make a wish as we floated them out to sea.
Finding strength in letting go
As I released mine, I wished for strength. Strength to overcome my fears, speak my truth and focus on my happiness.
Watching the little flame float away on the dark waves, I realized I wasn’t just letting go of the candle. I was letting go of the idea that I needed someone else to complete me.
Here I was, halfway around the world, doing just fine on my own, and maybe, just maybe, that was more than enough.
All night, we danced on the beach with the locals, celebrating under the stars.
In the early hours, I returned to the bar to retrieve my sandals. There was a mountain of flip-flops, but mine were nowhere to be found.
It seemed I’d have to let go of the idea of shoes too.
Walking barefoot along the dirt road back to my cottage, I knew I was OK. I’d come to Thailand to escape, but what I found was a new beginning.
A true love story
2010 was a transformative year. I didn’t get the guy - or my shoes back - but I found something far better: the travel bug (and a bit more confidence in dating).
My love affair with travel has been one of the most fulfilling relationships of my life.
And this adventure in Thailand? It was just the start.
In Chapter 3, find out how a cancelled Full Moon Party in Thailand changed my path. Read it here.
Thank you for joining me on this journey through Love at First Flight.
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“I was letting go of the idea that I needed someone else to complete me.” Love that quote! Great post, Claire, I definitely identify with your idea of falling in love with travel.
I love this thread, Claire!! Sometimes all you need to find and get back to yourself is to spend time alone somewhere far away and happy! Works every time! Also, I’m curious on your experience with snake wine!!